Hopelessly Hoping
by nepas
Summary: In episode four of season one, Chloe reveals that Finn received a love letter. Was it from Rae? Why is she suddenly acting weird around him? This is my take on Finn's reaction to the letter.


Note: This is one of my favorite episodes of the entire show! Finn's facial expressions are so intense. I took dialogue straight from the show during the scene when Chloe tells everyone about the letter. The rest of my British slang may not be perfect because I am American. Please let me know if I made any mistakes.

Also, I would like to dedicate this to my best friend for helping me edit :)

* * *

Finn parked his scooter in his driveway, taking off his helmet once he turned the engine off. He made his way to his house, digging his keys out of his pocket and stepping inside.

"Finn, that you?" He heard his dad's voice call from the kitchen.

Finn rolled his eyes. Who else would it be?

"Yeah, dad, what is it?" Finn asked as he stepped into the kitchen.

"You got a letter in the mail."

"A letter?" Finn sat down across from his dad at their small wooden table and slipped off his leather jacket. "From who?"

"No return address, but it looks like it's from a girl." Finn's dad's raised his eyebrows suggestively as he slid the envelope across the table.

A girl? Rae suddenly came to his mind. Would she send him a letter?

Finn picked up the envelope and felt his heart drop. He saw what his dad meant by it being from a girl; the envelope was a light pink color and his name and address were written very neatly with all of the "i's" dotted with hearts.

"Definitely a girl," he commented as he ripped the envelope open. Definitely not Rae's handwriting though, but what did he know? He was just getting to know her — maybe she had a girly side to her that he just didn't know about yet…

Finn unfolded the letter carefully, smoothing it out flat.

_Dear Finn, _

_You are so fit and lovely. I want to make you mine. _

_Love from, X._

"Oh, God," he groaned, placing the letter down on the table. There is no way this could be from Rae. No way.

"What is it?" Finn's dad frowned.

He slid the letter over to him and instantly heard laughter.

"Ah, that's my boy! The most wanted lad in Lincolnshire!"

Finn's cheeks burned a deep red. "Dad, please," he groaned, placing his head in his hands.

"It's true! There are always girls wanting to get a piece of ya. Who do you think it's from?"

Finn looked at his dad. "No idea."

"Well, are there any girls you're close with that fancy ya?"

Finn bit his lip. Well there was one girl he was _trying_ to get close with and he fancied her…. does that count?

Finn shrugged and took the letter out of his dad's hands.

"I'm going upstairs."

"Alright," Finn's dad said.

Finn picked up his jacket, stuffed the dumb letter into it, and then made his way up the stairs, pretending he didn't hear his dad's chuckles.

He flopped onto his bed and took the letter out of his jacket, looking at it again.

Who would have sent it? Was it someone he was close to like his dad said?

There was only one person he would ever want a love letter from. He knew he couldn't deny it any longer. A part of him had hoped that Rae sent this — a part of him still hopes it's her, but he couldn't imagine her writing something so shallow and empty. And, besides, does she even like him like that?

Finn studied the handwriting closer, the "i's" that were dotted with hearts and started feeling nauseous. There's no way Rae would write like that, no matter how much he tried to convince himself it was her, it couldn't be. It was probably one of those girls from college that he talked to in between classes and at lunch.

Finn shoved the letter back into his jacket pocket again, wanting to forget about it. He kicked his boots off and pulled his covers around him, wanting to relax before going out later to meet the gang. He fell into a fitful sleep and had a nightmare so terrible his dad had to wake him up to stop his screams.

He dreamt of him and Rae on the football field together. He peeling her out of her Stone Roses shirt and laying her down in the grass, kissing her anywhere she let him when, suddenly, hundreds of girls came running onto the field, showering them with pink letters.

"You're so fit and lovely, Finn! I want to make you mine!" They screamed, pulling him off of Rae.

"Mine, mine, mine!" They grabbed him in all different directions, trying desperately to get a piece of him.

"Rae!" he called out frantically, trying to find her, but she was gone.

* * *

"I'll be back later tonight," Finn told his dad after he finished drying the last of the clean dishes.

"You sure you're alright to go out?" Finn's dad asked him, his features a mix of concern and sadness.

"Dad, I'm fine, I promise. It was just a nightmare."

"You haven't had them that bad since you were little. Since your mum left."

Finn shut his eyes tight. "Dad, please. I'm okay, I've just been stressed out lately. Seeing my friends, going to the pub, that'll help me relax."

"Okay, just try not to be back too late? Especially if you want to see Nan tomorrow morning."

"Don't worry, I'll be home soon."

Finn's dad gave him a pat on the back before going upstairs.

Finn put on his leather jacket and made his way to his scooter, driving to the pub to meet the gang.

He drove fast, taking advantage of the cool, fresh air that was blowing around him. He was still feeling sweaty from the nightmare and the wind was helping to clear his head.

Finn didn't know what was wrong with him. Why was he suddenly afraid of pink envelopes and pretty girls? He laughed at himself as he drove through the night.

There _was_ one thing he did know; he couldn't deny that he had feelings for Rae that weren't going away. His heart started beating faster as he neared the pub, knowing that she'll be there.

When he stepped inside, he was welcomed by the gang.

"Where's Rae?" he asked as Chop handed him a pint.

"Not here yet," Chloe told him.

Finn bit his lip, trying his best not to look disappointed.

"Archie, put something on that's not utter crap, yeah?" Finn slid him a 20p.

"My pleasure," Archie replied, taking the 20p and walking over to the jukebox.

Oasis came on and then everyone was talking and Finn tried to relax as he drank his beer.

"How's your Nan?" Chloe asked Finn once the conversation had come to a lull.

Finn grimaced. "Not well," he admitted. "I don't really want to talk about it."

Archie rustled his hair playfully, "Well, we're all here for ya."

"Damn right we are! We're your best mates!" Chop agreed loudly, patting Finn roughly on the back.

Finn smiled at his friends and was glad that they dropped the subject and started talking about other things.

After a round of drinks everyone spilt up, filtering around the pub. Chop and Izzy were at a table, flirting shamelessly no doubt, and Archie was by the bar, ordering new drinks. Chloe had been talking to Finn in the corner of the pub, but he was only half-listening to her.

"So that's why I always wash my darks and lights separately."

"Uh-huh." He knew it was rude to not give her his full attention, but his mind was too preoccupied to care about why his clothes were apparently never as "vibrant" as everyone else's.

Finn leaned back in his chair, placing his hands behind his head, looking over at the door to the bar. _Where is she? _All he really cared about was seeing Rae. He knew it was dumb, but ever since that nightmare he had been itching to see that she was okay.

"Hey, what's that sticking out of your pocket?" Chloe asked Finn, forcing him to tear his eyes away from the door and his thoughts away from Rae.

Finn looked down and saw a bit of pink sticking out of his pocket. _Shit. _He forgot that was still in there.

"Uh, that's nothing." He was about to shove it deeper into his pocket, but Chloe reached over and grabbed it before he could. _Fuck._

"Oh, it's a love letter!" she exclaimed excitedly, reading it over and looking up at him. "Any idea who it's from?"

"Nope," he said, taking the letter out of her hands and pushing it deep into his pocket.

"You have a secret admirer! I think that's so sweet, Finn. Someone really likes you."

Finn tried his best not to roll his eyes. "Listen, I've gotta go use the phone."

"Okay," Chloe replied, watching him as he got up.

Finn made his way to the telephones and took a deep breath. He called the hospital and spoke to his Nan for a few minutes because just hearing her voice calmed him down a bit. When he felt better, he said goodbye to her and he made his way back to the gang.

He sat down at their table, and Archie slid him over another pint. Finn took it and looked up, a wave of relief washing over him.

Rae was finally here, talking to Chloe across the pub. He waited anxiously until they were done before he went and said hi.

He decided he was going to hug her. It had felt so good, so right, hugging her before at football practice that he wanted to make it a thing. Every time he sees her, he'll give her a hug. Give him an excuse to touch her.

When Chloe walked away from Rae, Finn wasted no time in getting up and going to her.

"Alright?" He said absentmindedly, his arms already starting to come around her.

"S-stop," Rae stuttered, shoving her hand against Finn's chest to prevent him from wrapping his arms around her.

"What?" he asked, completely confused.

"I really need to talk to Archie," she said, grabbing Archie by his jacket and dragging him away from Finn.

Finn looked after her in a state of shock. Why the fuck wouldn't she hug him? And why would she need to talk to Archie?

He watched them for a minute, anger boiling up inside of him. They were huddled together, whispering about who knows what and he felt sick.

He walked away, ignoring Chop's "Are you alright, mate?" and Izzy's "Finn, you look upset, what's wrong?" and made his way back to the telephones, where he quickly called up his Nan, the only person he knew that would be able to make him feel better.

"Finn, honey, are you okay?"

"No, it's… it's Rae."

She coughed and Finn squeezed his eyes shut. "Well, what about her?"

Finn launched into his dilemma, his confusion about her actions.

"Oh, Finn, don't worry too much about it. She might just be having an off day."

Finn talked to her a little while longer before he finally hung up and walked back to the gang.

There were standing in a circle in the middle of the pub. Finn walked over and stood between Chop and Chloe, Rae right across from him.

"Here he is, the big knobhead."

"What?" Finn asked dejectedly, looking behind his shoulder, trying to seem nonchalant, unaffected.

"So, Raemundo, a little birdie told me you've got an empty," Chop said to Rae.

"Chop!" Chloe exclaimed, smacking his arm.

"What? I didn't tell her who told me!"

Finn watched Rae, who looked like she was trying not to roll her eyes.

"Anyway, you know what I'm thinking…."

"No, no… no parties!" Rae said forcefully.

Chop sighed. "I'm not talking any old party. I'm talking a sexy party."

Finn looked over at Chop and asked, "What's a sexy party?"

"It's exactly the same as a normal party, but everyone brings sleeping bags and no one asks any questions in the morning."

"Oh, so it's basically like a sleepover, yeah?" Finn said trying to make sense of it.

"Can I borrow a duvet, Rae, 'cause I haven't got a sleeping bag," Izzy asked sweetly, smiling at Rae.

"Oh, no," Rae started, "'cause we're _not _having a party, sexy or otherwise!"

Finn stared at Rae, feeling something stir in him at the mere sound of the word sexy on her lips. Why was she avoiding him all of a sudden? Why wouldn't she let him hug him before? Did he do something wrong? Was she mad at—

"Oh, my God, Finn, show everyone your love letter!" Chloe burst out.

"Huh?" Finn asked, tearing his eyes off of Rae to look over at Chloe. What did she just say?

"Oh, who's that?" Chop smirked.

"Finn's got an admirer!" Chloe exclaimed, giving Finn a nudge.

"What?" Rae asked.

"Let's see it! Get it out," Izzy demanded.

Finn begrudgingly dug it out of his pocket and handed it to Izzy who proceeded to read it out loud to the gang.

Finn couldn't help but to stare at Rae as Izzy read the dumb words. She looked… annoyed? Upset, maybe? Finn couldn't place the emotion — but he knew it wasn't happiness.

Everyone let out some "oooh's" and Finn felt like burying himself alive.

"Who would even send a love letter? That's so stupid," Rae commented.

Finn looked up at her and tried to gauge her reaction. She said love letters were stupid, but is she just saying that? He didn't think it was her, but even after seeing her reaction, he couldn't give up hope that maybe there was a part of her that felt something special for him.

She made a joke and then everyone started laughing and Finn felt like an idiot. She's dead funny, has a flawless taste in music, and he's….. Finn? Would she ever like him? It seems like the only person she fancies in this town is fucking Archie, his gay best mate. It was hopeless.

As the gang continued to talk about letters and stamps, all Finn could do was look at Rae and hope that he had a place somewhere in the crazy mind of hers.


End file.
